sigh

Why does being a mother have to be so tough? And why doesnt anyone tell you that it gets SO much harder the older they get.

My 7 year old seems to think the whole world is against him. Everything makes him mad/sad. If he doesnt get something he wants, he acts like he has the worst life in the world. I think there may be something wrong with him. Or its just me taking it all personally like Im not a good enough mother or Im not giving him a good enough life. I dunno. But it really hurts when most often, 4 of the 5 days he leaves for school he is mad about something. I dont like him leaving like that. I dont know what to do. He never seems truely happy, and that worries me SO SO much. My heart is aching and my mind is racing...

Kung Fu and a sandwich

As Kung Fu Panda plays in the background for the 28th time in the past three days I wonder about how lonely I will become when all the noise is gone.

One is on the gameboy, and the other four are serving up sandwiches at their make-believe resteraunt. Never a dull, or shall I say quiet, moment in our home. I think some days I might very well lose what is left to my spinning mind. Then I sit back, take a moment and watch. I watch them play, I watch them create, I watch them study. I even watch them fight. I watch them be their own people. It still amazes me that they have their own minds, and make their own decisions, they are REAL. Some day they will grow up and leave me. And I will be alone. And you know what, I just might put on Kung Fu Panda and make myself a make-believe sandwich.